Hot or Not: Argylle
A $200M budget and a star-studded cast still fall short
I am what I would call adjacent to the romance novel world. So as someone who writes about media and cares about the things women love, I was excited to see how “Argylle” would tackle the camp, glamour and fun of this genre on screen.
Yet despite the rom-com-esque trailers and hype for the latest blockbuster, “Argylle” immediately splits its identity in two. Despite an opening sequence that is all camp, fun, and overdone romantic glamour, Ellie Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard), the author of the movie’s namesake book series, immediately hosts a book signing that lets us as viewers know this is really a series of spy novels.
The dissonance between these two scenes perfectly captures what will be the disjointed nature of the entire movie. Bryce Dallas Howard is lovely as our protagonist, a bubbly thirty-something who’s made a name for herself as the author of the Argylle book series. The colors, the fun, the formulaic dialogue in the opening scene, followed by an echoed set design at the book signing all paint a picture of a YA blockbuster or a romantic hit.
Instead, we’re told that Elly Conway (Howard) has put hundreds of hours of research into novels that *almost* predict the future of global events. These novels are not fluff, we need to take them and Conway seriously. This mismatch between tone and plot will continue throughout the show.
In a Marvel Cinematic Universe-drenched movie economy, the idea of purely new IP for a movie is rare and exciting. But the template of the billion-dollar superhero movie stalks what could have been a fun romp with a great twist.
In trying to live up to MCU scale, in “Argylle” we see the directorial impulse to be everything for everyone all at once. However, in the creation of Elly as a beloved, quirky author, there is an obvious desire to make something more than just another action movie.
But unlike the Oscar-winning movie “Everything Everywhere All at Once,” the team behind Argylle doesn’t know how to wield bizarreness and camp in a way that speaks to the underlying plot. Despite a huge percentage of that movie being action-driven, the characters and plot distinguish it from an explosion fest (you can read my review of EEAAO’s brilliant use of strange here). “Argylle” attempts to stylize a world that is more than just an action festival but fails to deliver a cohesive narrative.
Instead, the spy novel instinct clashes with the campy romance in ways that are thoroughly uncomfortable. We get dance scenes in a shootout that last way too long. Smoke bombs that create rainbows. A forced romantic bond between the main characters. An ice-skating scene that will make you regret ever going to a movie. All of these things in theory could be funny and/or cute in a different story. In “Argylle,” they reinforce the idea that Matthew Vaugn (Director) and Jason Fuchs (Writer, Kingsman series), didn’t have a grasp on what they were creating.
In trying to get the romance in for the ladies - something done with very little effect here - and the big plot twist and the action for the dudes and the comedy for everyone, instead the viewer is subjected to what can only be described as what AI would think humans like to watch.
If “Argylle” had been two separate movies, one an intense action thriller with a grittier plotline and set designs, and the second a romantic comedy with playful allusions to the best parts of the genre with the current design, then either may have stood a chance of succeeding. This Frankenstein of a show falls flat in trying to do too much.
At a run time of 2 hours and 19 minutes, I would say this is an unfortunate skip. While I have deep respect for the entire cast, there are simply better shows to catch them in than “Argylle.”
Hot or Not?
Unfortunately, not. 2/5 Green Chiles
